Tag: Life

‘I really love it, thank you!’

These are the actual words that came out of my mouth when someone handed me a broom as Christmas gift, a few years ago: surely I would have used the same words in case I would have received, let’s say, an empty CD or a jar of expired peanut butter.
If my reaction doesn’t sound so absurd to you, chances are you -like me and so many others- are in the ‘White Club’: the less exclusive club in the world.

PAID ADVERTISEMENT:
Here at the White Club, we emphasize the fact that we say lies in order to save humanity.
That’s why we don’t say lies but “White Lies”, even if that name might create confusion: we indeed do not mean “Pure BS” but instead “Harmless Smarts”. I have been told it is an important difference to make.
Being smart by definition, we apply our ancient techniques to our modern day society, so that everyone can harness all the benefits, known since millennia: we do all of it just for the love we have for others. Yes, we are heroes and our words are the light in the darkness, the power of wisdom against the forces of evil… or something like that: each member has its own personal view because we are also an open and equal opportunity entity. We make it ultra easy for anyone of any culture and race to join.

It sounds neat, I know, but it is mostly marketing hype. Truth is, there are plenty of clubs of this sort and each one has its own strong logic. For instance:
– The Black Club, which underlines the importance to put all your potential in what you do;
– The Red & Blue Club, standing at the heart of our decision making process, its philosophy precisely describes the amazing dance-like steps that so many beloved politicians use in their vital day-to-day operations;
– The Big Club which, as the name suggests, is followed by the smarter ones among the smart ones: the most exclusive of the bunch and an evergreen for heads of states, presidents and VIPs.
Whichever you have chosen, one thing is clear: we all do it for the Greater Good. Never give up.

Certainly you won’t mind the ‘broom for gift’ anecdote never actually happened: it is raining outside but we might truly find the rainbow at the end of the storm.

How do you know if you’ve become a statistics fanboy?

Yes, it’s a vested-interest question: apologies if you were looking for a vested-interest answer.
I mean, I know I could list some absurd stats which both you AND I compulsively have to check while watching sports or on election day (which seem more and more alike to me): TV producers strive to make these data look as sexy as possible, with all the help of their colored 3D pie charts. The fact that we want statistics on our screens is, of course, proven statistically: that’s why they bother making those cheese wheels in the first place. We just love them and crave them.

And how about our working environments? These bubbly graphs seem to be porn, in these contexts: as soon as someone draws one, workers unions and corporate CEOs alike start to forget about ‘rights and stuff’ and begin thinking with their genitals, arguing about who’s got the biggest spike. So let’s admit it, being statistics-freaks is among the essence of the being human experience, at least today.
I feel I need to admit it at least to myself: I think I’m addicted. How productive can it be thinking about the fact that modern humans have been on this planet for less than 0.12% of the time dinosaurs were? Yes, that’s the kind of stats I go after. Yes! Less than 0.12% is also how much you care about it, too! It is insane!

But there always have been those who opposed this love we all share: Winston Churchill was one.

I only believe in statistics that I doctored myself

It is mean, I know, and our love has got to be strong in order to overcome it.

Anyway, touché: we need to recognize that certain statistical data might be ‘noise’ (or junk, if you wish) but, in that case, shame on the person that applies the method, not on the method itself. This same falsifiable dynamic is also often found in scientific communities, which I find amusing since many people seem to perceive scientists to be agreeing with each other all the times. Fact is: it is possible to manipulate people by exploiting their statistical fetish. That’s why it’s important to remember that we are easily seduced by percentages and, therefore, we should keep the pants on next time the news channel show the GDP growth mountain graph.

Regardless, there are stats that seem to be dangerously overlooked, like the ones regarding global warming or arms industry: continuing the previous analogy, these numbers seem to have the same sex appeal of a bank you owe money to.
Why is that? Is it because we just need confirmations? Or because they threaten our convictions and/or force us to take action? Do they just need a waterfall chart, maybe..?